A Warning for the Colonel
by KittyMarauder
Summary: Roy is terrified when two women burst into his office and demand something from him. Riza and Edward are furious and swear vengeance.


**A/N:** _My grammar teacher has us students write an essay every week. It does not have to be very long, just 273 words (like the Gettysburg address. I mentioned on my profile that he is a big fan of Abraham Lincoln) at the minimum. Anyway, this week the topic was to write a parable or a fable or a proverb. I was trying to figure out what to do, when I got a wonderful idea that would kill two birds with one stone (note the proverb). Thus, I wrote this Fanfiction Fable. I may do more of these…that name is rather catchy._

_Definition of Fable: noun: 1. a short story, typically with animals as characters, conveying a moral._

_ 2. A supernatural story incorporating elements of myth and legend._

_ 3. A false statement or belief._

_Disclaimer: My self-portrait is not a cow. From that, I think that it is clear that I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, as much as I wish I was as good at writing as Hiromu Arakawa so as to write such a wonderful story as she did. _

* * *

**A Warning for the Colonel**

Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, was in a meeting with his subordinates. At the moment, he was ignoring the others and just focusing on the Fullmetal Alchemist, fifteen-year-old Major Edward Elric. Occasionally, he would glance down at a paper on his desk that held several quotes from his favorite book.

He felt a ball of paper hit his face and he quickly looked up from the humorous (in his opinion) quotes. Ed was glaring at him, having apparently said something that Roy had not heard.

Putting one of the quotes to good use, Roy said, "I'm sorry, did you say something? I couldn't hear your _small_ voice."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MATCHSTICK SO SMALL THAT IT CAN'T LIGHT A SPECK OF DUST!?"

Ed's brother, fourteen-year-old Alphonse Elric, protested wearily and warily, "Brother! He didn't say any of that!"

Ed glowered and Roy fought back a smirk.

"I am sorry, Fullmetal. I did not mean to injure your _small_ ego."

Al had to hold Ed back as he lunged at the Colonel and tried to strangle him.

"LET ME AT HIM, AL! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

At that moment, the door to his office crashed open. Two angry women stalked in and glared at the Flame Alchemist with fire in their eyes.

Slightly worried about the things in his office catching on fire, Roy attempted to placate the angry women, "Well, hello, ladies. What can I do for you?"

The taller one snarled back, "I think that it's more what you _will-do-without-failing_ for us."

Taken aback, Roy leaned away from the hot sparks coming from the shorter one's eyes.

"Have I done something wrong?"

"Oh, yes. You have done something _very_ wrong."

Roy gulped and was very thankful when Lieutenant Hawkeye stood up from her seat and stepped between the cowering Colonel and the furious women.

"We are in the middle of a meeting. Please make an appointment and-"

She was cut off by the shorter woman holding up a paper. Upon looking closer, Lieutenant Hawkeye found that it was a page copied from the Library records of "who checked out which book."

In the middle of the page were these words:

_Borrower: Roy Mustang_

_10/30/11_

_Title: The Large Book of Small Insults_

_Author: Wenig Klein_

"Three years overdue, Colonel Mustang! That is _unacceptable_!"

"Why didn't you come sooner?" Lieutenant Hawkeye asked.

The shorter librarian spoke for the first time, "We couldn't find him until now! He's always moving around! Believe me, if we could have found him, we would have come _instantly_."

By now, the rest of the room had crowded around the paper with the title of the book that the Flame Alchemist apparently liked so much that he had kept it for three years.

Ed gave a howl of rage, "What!? He checked out a book on good insults to use on me!?"

"So you admit that you are short?" Roy challenged.

This was not smart as it brought the librarians' attentions back to him and Ed's face proclaiming murder. The women approached the desk and bent down so that the two of them were just inches from his terrified face.

"_Where is the book?_" Even scarier was the fact that they spoke in perfect unison.

Roy squeaked and pulled out the very thick book from his desk drawer.

The ladies straightened up and looked down their noses at him.

"You," the taller one started.

"are not allowed," the shorter one continued.

"in our library again,"

"without supervision."

Then they said together, "_EVER_."

Roy, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like "_Mimblewimble_."

Satisfied, the Scary Librarians turned and swept out of the room, leaving a deafening silence behind them.

The subordinates turned back to Roy, only to find the window open and the Flame Alchemist suspiciously absent.

"I am going to _kill him_," Ed swore.

Lieutenant Hawkeye, a Lover of Books and Keeper of Deadlines, silently agreed.

Three blocks away, Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, ran for his life.

**Moral of the story:**

Librarians can be scary. Return your books on time or you will _pay_.


End file.
